The Hazards of Sleeping Alone by Elise Juska

Author:Elise Juska
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Pocket Books

Book Three

chapter eight

Charlotte had thought the highway would be empty. She’d imagined anyone else would already be installed in front of football games or chilly parades or day-long dinners. It was part of the reason she’d chosen today to travel: to have the roads to herself. But the highway is crowded. They must all be people, people like Charlotte, trying to get to their families on Thanksgiving.

She glances at the cassette hanging from her dashboard. It’s a Books on Tape recording called Embracing the Now that Emily sent her for the drive. Feeling guilty, Charlotte gives the tape a nudge until it’s slurped into the car radio.

It is easy to let our minds be our enemies, to let our thoughts imprison us, like jail cells. On this journey, friends, we will work together not to worry, not to think … but simply be.

The voice on the tape—a man named Vu Khan—speaks with a soft lisp probably designed to be relaxing. Probably it’s supposed to make his listeners trust him, to put them at ease with their own impediments and idiosyncrasies. But, like the Dream Machine, the lisp makes Charlotte more anxious. Which makes her distracted. When she was in southern Connecticut, Vu Khan lisping in her ears, she’d accidentally turned onto a local highway, then had to ask for help at Dunkin Donuts to get back on track. She’d turned Vu off then and has kept him off ever since. But now, the nearer she gets to New Hampshire, the more pressure she feels to keep him turned on. It’s as if Emily, if in close enough range, might be able to sense she’s not listening.

We must live every moment with our own minds, so why not get along? Why not be allies with our minds? Why not be friends?

From behind her Charlotte sees a long truck approaching, its silver grill filling her rearview mirror. It’s the type of truck that’s actually made of stacks of cars arranged on top of each other at precarious angles. The truck swerves into the left lane, the last third of its car pile swinging from side to side. Charlotte taps her brake. She has a vision of one of the shiny cars slipping from its foothold, crashing onto her hood, and flattening her inside. When a nut of gravel strikes her windshield, she flinches and slows down. She waits until the truck is well ahead of her, then reaches for the bag of Canada Mints on the passenger seat: Emily’s recommendation for staying alert.

Be aware of the movement of your breath going in and out. Feel it moving through you like a tide. Imagine your breath as an ocean, constantly receding and replenishing, receding and replenishing. Imagine your body is the shore upon which it renews itself every day.

Charlotte pops a mint in her mouth. She is trying to remember the last time she took a road trip this long. There was Wesleyan, of course, though that drive is at least two hours shorter.

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